Once in a while I get weird or oddball requests popping up among the various regular correspondences (organizing classes, notes from friends, publishers, etc)

The ones from state penitentiary inmates are always a doozie. Most are pretty nice - they're sending fan mail because of a photo they saw of me or want to know how to get a signed photo. Some want to find me after they get out. (why? I don't ask) No, I don't write back.

There are the letters scrawled in wriggly wormy penciled script, full of strange spelling and grammar, on stained and wrinkled note paper asking me to do things to them - but they don't has compotar so i's to call dis nummber at theze timmes.

Or the guy who saw me in some fet fashion catalog from years ago with a credit and link to me - and he's asking me to hire him to model for that publications. duh.

Speaking of photo model calls - If I put out a request for models I'm always bracing for weird replies. I'll post "you must be ok with full nudity and face showing for art photos for gallery show." So I'll get guys who send me close-ups of their weenie barely peering over their hairy beer-gut and a note "you can use me as a model but you can't show my face because my wife doesn't know." Or when I post that I'm looking for a female model of this or that body type or health requirement for a specific project (you know, like being suspended in some excrutiating position in a cold wet 4th floor walk-up warehouse) - I'll get a letter from someone ranting and raving that I'm part of the evil patriarchy.

I'm used to getting hit up for donations for fundraiser baskets. I don't donate to all of them. I have a criteria. My criteria is based on how well they approach me. If they send me a form letter, where it's obvious that they're doing a mass mailing to possible gift givers, I don't bother. If they can't bother to at least put "dear Midori" followed by a form letter, I figure they don't really expect to hear back from me. If they're hitting me up last minute, I don't give anything - I can't, there's not enough time. If they want free stuff from me they've got to make it convenient for me to give. Then there are the folks who ask me to donate large and heavy amount of stuff and expect me to deliver it on my time and dime. No.

[The ones that do get my donations: They find someone in the organization with a personal connection, even if a vague one, and they send me a personal call or e mail or maybe they ask me out for coffee. They give me enough time, considering my travel schedule, they ask for what I can give, items I have in stock, and they're willing to come and pick it up or cover the shipping fee. They get repeat donations if they bother to send a thank-you note and / or put out my promotion material.]

So I got another one recently. It was from someone I'd never met, from a town I'm not sure if I've been to or not, about a person I've never known. The writer (I've never met) told me of some well-liked person in his town (whom I've never heard of) who was having some big life mile-stone party. The writer wanted me to donate a signed book to this person because the local community or club (I'm not sure which) didn't have any money in the bank. And that oh "love your writing and all that you do."

Um what?

Is there someone out there who's really sharp in Latin who might be able to help me, via e mail, with some translating / word smithing from English to Latin?
I'm working on a title for something, and I'd love to consider the Latin version of it.

Thanks!